Family Matters, Part 1: Blessing or Burden
⌥ Type: Sunday Morning Service
🎬 Series: Family Matters
⛪ Sermon: Part 1: Blessing or Burden
🗣️ Speaker: Pastor Tom Van Kempen
📜 Description: Family was designed by God from the beginning as a reflection of the Trinity, but sin brought dysfunction that has affected every family since the Garden of Eden. God remains the key to building healthy families, and when we follow His design found in Scripture rather than cultural philosophies, our families can become blessings to the world around us. Spouses and children are gifts from God that require us to see them biblically, raise them intentionally, and equip them to make a difference in their generation.
ℹ️ Tip: The video is set to start at the beginning of the sermon, but you can scrub the playhead to any part of the service. ℹ️
Additional Info
The info below was generated by an AI from the audio recording of the sermon.
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Use the questions listed below as a launching point to discuss the sermon points together as a family. These are great for dinner table discussions and small groups.
Opening Prayer (2 minutes)
Ask someone to open in prayer, inviting God to guide your discussion and work in your hearts.
Icebreaker (5 minutes)
Share one positive memory from your family growing up, or one thing you appreciate about your current family (biological or church family).
Scripture Reading (3 minutes)
Have someone read Psalm 127 aloud.
Discussion Questions (30 minutes)
The message emphasized that "family is God's idea." How does viewing family as God's design rather than a cultural construct change how we approach family relationships?
"Unless the Lord builds the house, they labor in vain who build it." What does it look like practically to let God be the general contractor of your family? What areas might you be trying to build in your own strength?
Genesis 2:18 says, "It is not good for man to be alone." Whether you're married or single, how have you experienced the truth that we're designed for relationship? How can the church family fill gaps for those not in traditional family structures?
We learned that spouses and children are gifts from God. Be honest: when do you struggle to see family members as gifts? What helps you shift your perspective?
The sermon talked about training children "like arrows in the hand of a warrior." For those with kids or grandkids: what cultural lies are you actively teaching them to recognize? For those without: how can you support the parents in your church family in this spiritual battle?
How does your family (biological or church) serve as a blessing to the world around you? What's one way you could be more intentional about this?
Action Step (3 minutes)
Choose one relationship in your life—spouse, child, parent, or church family member—and commit to one specific action this week that demonstrates you see them as a gift from God. Share your commitment with the group for accountability.
Closing Prayer (2 minutes)
Pray for each person's family situations, asking God to bring healing, restoration, and His supernatural work in every home represented in your group.
Main Bible Verses from the Sermon
Genesis 1:26 - God creates humanity in His image
Genesis 2:18 - It is not good for man to be alone
Genesis 12:3 - All families blessed through Abraham
Psalm 127:1-5 - Unless the Lord builds the house
Psalm 68:6 - God sets the solitary in families
Proverbs 18:22 - He who finds a wife finds a good thing
Proverbs 22:6 - Train up a child in the way he should go
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Psalm 127 is one of fifteen "Songs of Ascent" found in Psalms 120-134. These were pilgrim songs that ancient Israelites would sing as they traveled uphill to Jerusalem for the three major annual festivals: Passover, Pentecost, and the Feast of Tabernacles. The journey to Jerusalem was physically demanding, as the city sits at a high elevation, and pilgrims often traveled for days from distant regions.
As families made this trek together, they would sing these psalms to prepare their hearts for worship. Psalm 127, attributed to Solomon, specifically focused their attention on family life and God's role as builder and protector. The imagery would have resonated deeply with these travelers—many were builders and craftsmen who understood construction, and all were concerned about the safety of their homes while they were away for the festival.
The opening line, "Unless the Lord builds the house," would have had both literal and figurative meaning. Solomon, who built the magnificent temple in Jerusalem, knew firsthand that even the grandest human projects fail without God's blessing. The second image of the watchman guarding the city reflected the constant threat of invasion that ancient Israelites faced from surrounding nations.
In verses 3-5, children are described using military imagery as "arrows in the hand of a warrior." In ancient Israel, a large family was considered a tremendous blessing because children provided economic support, cared for aging parents, and defended the family's interests in legal disputes that took place "in the gate"—the public square where city elders judged cases and made community decisions. Having many sons meant having advocates and defenders when conflicts arose.
This psalm reminded traveling families that their true security didn't come from their own labor, vigilance, or even their children's strength—it came from the Lord who never sleeps and who gives rest to His beloved.
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Theme: Families Are God's Gift
Introduction (5 minutes)
Welcome the kids and ask: "Who here loves getting gifts?" Let them share about a favorite gift they've received. Then say: "Today we're learning that families are one of God's best gifts to us! God created families, and He wants every family to be filled with His love."
Bible Story (8 minutes)
Read Psalm 127:1, 3 in a kid-friendly translation.
Tell the story: "A long, long time ago, God created the very first family. Their names were Adam and Eve. God made them special because He wanted them to be like Him—and God is all about love and friendship! God said, 'It's not good for people to be alone.' So He gave Adam a helper and friend named Eve, and together they were the first family.
God loved this family so much! And when they had children, God said those children were like special presents—gifts from Heaven! The Bible says children are like arrows that parents send out into the world to do good things.
But here's the most important part: God said that if we want our families to be happy and strong, we need to let Him be in charge. It's like when you build with blocks—if you don't have a strong bottom, everything falls down! God is the strong bottom that makes families work."
Craft: Family House (12 minutes)
Supplies: Construction paper, popsicle sticks, glue, markers, stickers
Instructions:
Give each child popsicle sticks to glue into the shape of a house frame
Have them glue it onto construction paper
Let them draw or write the names of their family members inside the house
At the top of the paper, help them write: "God Builds Our House" (from Psalm 127:1)
Let them decorate with stickers and markers
As they work, walk around and talk about how God wants to be part of their family.
Game: Building Together Relay (10 minutes)
Supplies: Large blocks or boxes, tape to mark start/finish lines
Setup: Divide kids into teams of 3-4. Place building blocks at one end.
How to Play:
Teams race one at a time to carry blocks from start to finish
They must work together to build the tallest tower in 3 minutes
The catch: They can only use one hand each! They must cooperate.
Lesson Connection: "Just like you had to work together to build your tower, families work best when everyone helps each other. And we need God to help us be a strong family!"
Discussion Questions (7 minutes)
Gather kids in a circle and ask:
"What's something your family does together that you really love?"
"How can you show your family members that they're a gift from God this week?"
"What's one way you can ask God to help your family?"
Let several kids share, keeping answers brief.
Wrap-Up Prayer (3 minutes)
"Let's thank God for our families! I'm going to pray, and you can repeat after me."
Prayer: "Dear God, (kids repeat) Thank You for my family. (kids repeat) Thank You for making us special. (kids repeat) Help us to love each other. (kids repeat) Help us to be kind and helpful. (kids repeat) Be the boss of our house. (kids repeat) In Jesus' name, Amen!" (kids repeat)
Take-Home Challenge:
Tell kids: "This week, do something kind for each person in your family without being asked. Give someone a hug, help clean up, or say something nice. Remember—they're God's gift to you!"
Hand each child their craft to take home as a reminder.
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If you're wondering what's wrong with Pastor Tom, I don't know.
Uh it's now been three weeks that I've been going through this and uh the last Everyone says the same thing.
When I go, it's allergies, they go, welcome to Florida.
And I'm like, I I'm not feeling the welcome when this happens Um but I will do the best I can, so please be patient with my voice.
Um a little girl, she's four or five years old, her name was Jenny, and she was helping her mother in the kitchen.
And she said, why is some of your hair white, mommy?
And mom answered her and said, well, honey, Every time you do something wrong, one of my hairs turns gray.
And Jenny looked over at her grandmother sitting at the kitchen table and squealed, poor grandma, mommy must have been a very bad girl.
Uh we're just three days away from uh the day of national mourning here in America, otherwise known as tax day.
If you have not done your tax Taxes yet.
Let me see your hands.
You've not done your taxes yet.
Oh look at that.
There's some of you lay birds.
I see you.
I see you.
I did mine on s On Saturday, yesterday, I'm still depressed, just so you know.
Everything that I was anticipating for 2025 didn't happen the way I thought And so I ended up owing, I think, the most I've ever owed in my entire life.
And it was not a happy day in the Van Kempen family.
You know, I got to that section titled Deductions, and I was all excited to write down my four children.
But they don't live with me any longer.
I asked my wife if there's anything we could do about it for tax year next year.
She said, unless we're Abraham and Sarah, it's not going to happen.
Today we're starting a brand new series entitled Family Matters.
And we're starting with a question that all of us need to answer.
And it really doesn't matter if we are a part of a a marriage.
If we're single, if we're divorced, if we're empty nesters.
Because if you're a Christian, you're part of the family of God.
Who can say amen?
And so many of the principles that we're going to talk about over the next couple of weeks apply in the church just as much as they apply In the family.
But our our tagline is that we need to see each other and we need to see our spouses and we need to see our children as a gift from God.
And so we're gonna we're gonna be talking from Psalm chapter 127 for the second point of the service.
The first point's gonna be from the book of Genesis.
But this this Psalm 127 is one of the songs. of ascent.
And if you're not sure what a a psalm of ascent is, it was one of about a dozen psalms that the Israelites would sing as they're going to the temple to worship.
So if you're not familiar with what's happening, the temple was in Jerusalem.
And the the temple was at the at the top of a mountain or near the top of a mountain.
It was it was high in elevation.
And all of the Israelis that when they'd want to Go and celebrate Passover or or one of the holy days.
They'd have to go up this hill, and it was strenuous So they were told to sing these dozen or so psalms as they were approaching God and as they were approaching the temple to worship.
And interestingly enough, two of those psalms are psalms that talk about the family.
Psalm 127 and Psalm 128.
And so God is wanting all of his children, all of his sons and his daughters to be thinking about their family as they're approaching him for praise and worship.
He's wanting them to be grateful for their family, to be praising God for their family.
And what he really wants you to understand in Psalm 127 is this: God God is the key to a happy home.
Who can say amen?
God's the key.
God's the key to a united family.
God's the key to a peaceful life.
So I want to ground this entire series in Genesis chapters 1 and 2.
This is the foundation of the series, Genesis 1 and 2.
And in Genesis chapters 1 and 2, you find this out.
Family is God's idea.
Amen.
Amen.
This is important for us to understand Family is is God's idea.
So if you're gonna have your family operate the way it's supposed to, if the church is going to operate the way it's supposed to, we have to start in the right place.
In the right place is Genesis chapter 1.
We don't start with culture.
We don't start with our own personal experiences.
We start with God.
And in Genesis chapter 1, we're introduced to God in a way that's it's a little bit difficult to comprehend.
Because in this chapter, we discover that God exists in plurality.
God exists in a perfect relationship.
He is not El one God.
He is Elohim, a plurality of God.
We call this the Trinity.
Say Trinity.
It's hard for a lot of people to grasp this.
It's hard for me to grasp it.
I take it by faith, but I but I get it from the scripture.
You know what?
When you talk about the Trinity, it almost sounds like a family, to be honest.
God the and God the and God the Father and son, that sounds like a family.
And this this God This is what he says in Genesis 1.
26.
Let us, the Trinity, make man in our the Trinity image, according to our the Trinity likeness.
Humanity was always created to mirror God.
He created humanity to be like him.
He created humanity to reflect him.
He created humanity to relate in the same manner in which he relates.
And then in chapter 2, the first human relationship, the first family is started and described.
First with Adam, and in the middle of this description, you get this unusual.
Warning.
Listen to this.
Genesis 2.
18.
It is not good for man to be alone.
Yeah.
Some some people just said amen, especially you wives thinking your man can't handle life by himself.
You ladies who think he can't come go to work and and pick grab out a a pair of matching socks in any way, shape or form.
Men need their women.
We all say that.
But listen, that's not what's really happening here.
The reality is this warning is like so many commonsensical warnings that we get in our modern life every single day.
So I had an iron one time.
How many of you iron clothes?
Let me see your hands.
Okay, that's about half of you, so I guess you do your spouses too.
If you iron clothes, check the cord Because one time I was reading on the cord, this is what it says.
Never iron clothes while they're being worn I thought that was common sense, but it said it on the court.
Here's another one you're gonna love this.
How how many have children that are under the age of Five.
Let me see your hands.
Under the age of five.
How many have grandchildren under the age of five?
Okay, all right.
So so be careful there.
This is really important.
It says this on some strollers.
Remove child before folding the stroller.
That's a shirt.
It's a good idea, I think.
And here's my favorite one A Superman costume had this warning, use of this device does not allow you to fly Now listen to what I'm saying.
This is kind of the warning in Genesis chapter 2.
In other words, God, tongue in cheek, is saying it's not good for man to be alone.
He's not saying it because nobody understands this.
He's saying it because that is a matter of design He made man and woman both to be in relationship with other human beings.
Sin screwed things up somewhere along the line.
But today we are still designed the same way.
We need each other.
Who can say amen?
We need each other.
We need people in our lives.
We are designed for partnership.
We're designed for collaboration.
We're designed for relationships.
So being made in God's image means that we function best when we are in a collaborative, healthy relationship with other humans.
And without that, something is going to be missing.
Our growth could be stifled.
Our joy could be muted.
And our destinies could go unrealized.
So this first family is introduced.
And I want to make sure you understand that there's no defect in a human being just because they need somebody else.
It simply means that when they come into relationship with others, their potential can then be realized.
When Adam and Eve came together, they complemented each other.
They helped each other.
They made each other even better.
And together with God on their side, they could literally And accurately and beautifully reflect the Trinity like no couple has ever done since.
So Everything was perfect.
We don't know for how long.
And then all of a sudden, it wasn't.
Sin entered the world.
Dysfunction became the norm.
So I need everyone to listen to me right now.
I'm going to make a statement in just a minute, and I don't want you to do it.
Okay?
And here's a statement.
If you grew up in a functional family, if there was no dysfunction in your family growing up, I want you to stand up.
No?
I just said don't do it.
I just said don't do what I just said.
Okay?
And you know why I said don't do it?
There's no such thing as a fully functioning family.
Listen, this is really important because some of us are happy that we were just in a family that made it Some of us are happy that we had decent or good families.
But hear me, if you ever fought with a brother or sister, that's dysfunction.
If you ever disagreed with your mom or dad, that's dysfunction.
If you ever doubted that your kids were gonna make it someday.
That's dysfunction, and that all happened thousands of years ago in the Garden of Eden In Genesis chapter 3, listen, listen to this.
Genesis chapter 3, the devil shows up, and this is what he says to Eve.
He said, Did God really say And I want you to catch this.
He didn't say this while Adam and Eve were standing shoulder to shoulder.
He didn't say this where where Eve could could go, hey Adam, what do you think of what he just said?
It appears, like in the the story of chapter three, that there's a little separation here going on.
Maybe Adam is in the background, maybe he's not.
We we don't really know for sure, but he has at least got her attention away from Adam.
And he says, he says, did God really say?
And then he gets her to focus on her personal needs He gets her to focus on her desires.
He gets her to focus on herself, her selfishness, her self-centeredness, and sin enters the world.
And all sin leads to dysfunction.
What did they immediately start doing?
They started trying to justify their behavior.
They started throwing each other under the bus.
They blamed God.
They blamed each other.
They blamed the devil for what happened.
Trust was completely shattered and broken, and a vicious cycle began.
In Genesis chapter 4, the first family has their first kids, and one kills another one.
How quickly it disintegrated.
In the very first family, they went from perfection to murder in no time.
Because apart from God, families don't drift towards health, they drift towards dysfunction But hear me, God never gave up on his plan.
From the very beginning, he had a plan for the family.
Who can say amen?
And in Genesis chapter 12, he starts over with another couple, and they're called Abraham and Sarah.
And listen to what God says in Genesis 12, 3.
And in you, Abraham, and by extension, Sarah, and in you, Abraham.
All the families of the earth shall be blessed.
Who can say amen?
Did you know God's goal, God's plan has always been for your family to be a blessing to the world?
Family is the foundational building block of all of society.
We get to Psalm 127, and this is what it says, unless the Lord builds the house, they labor in vain.
Who build it.
Again, I need to reiterate the fact that family is God's idea.
God gets to define family.
In the last sixty or seventy years, sociologists and psychologists and even the Supreme Court have chimed in and given their opinions as to what constitutes a family, and their opinions have been a disaster.
Depression rates have skyrocketed.
High school success rate has plummeted Suicide rates are going through the roof.
Two-parent families are all but disappearing.
Why is this happening?
Unless the Lord builds the house, they labor in vain.
It's all about God.
It's all about our Father, because God is the key to a happy, healthy family.
Listen, the Hebrew word for family is by it, B-A-Y-I-T.
And it means a literal house or a household, a family.
So this is what God is saying.
He's saying, hey everybody, I'm the general contractor.
I will build this thing if you just do what I say.
So that means God is also the architect.
His plans for this.
Happy, healthy family are found in a book called the Bible.
And if you follow those plans, you will more than likely have a healthy, happy, healthy family.
And we are the subcontractors and our job is to follow the plans to the T.
Our plan, our job is to follow Every single one of them, not the ones that we like the most, not the ones that we agree with right now.
Even if we're hesitant about something in the word, we should do what the word says.
Amen.
We should do what the word says.
Psalm 127, 1 goes on and it says this: unless the Lord guards the city, the watchman stays awake in vain.
In other words, God is the key to a safe and prosperous community, whether that's a city, a state, or a nation.
God is saying if people follow his word on marriage and raising their families, it will positively impact the surrounding community in which they live.
This is what's happening in verse 1.
He goes from talking about family to city.
If the family allows God to build it, then the city will be a safe place.
Do we have any unsafe cities right now?
I can directly correlate the unsafeness to the disregard for the Word of God.
There is a direct Correlation.
People are thinking, why is this happening?
It's really simple.
Open your Bibles.
Read your Bibles.
Do what the Word says.
On the other hand, if families buy into the cultural Manure that is being paddled as truth The false philosophies that are complete hogwash.
Can somebody say Suey?
Thank you.
All our efforts will be meaningless.
Listen, listen, listen.
Carl Jung, a famous psychologist, who was born in the 1800s and he lived until 1961.
In the 1950s, we're talking 75 years ago.
This is what he said.
The world today is suffering from a neurosis of emptiness.
And what happened immediately after he wrote this?
They threw prayer out of school.
They legalized abortion.
The sexual values of our country plummeted.
We turned the Bible upside down and were surprised that things aren't working.
We quit listening to what God said and and we're shocked that families are breaking apart That the people are divorcing one another, that children can't read or write.
There is a direct correlation Psalm 127, 2.
This is what it says: it is vain or empty or meaningless for you to rise up early, to sit up late, to eat the bread of sorrows.
In other words, you can work as hard as you want, but if you really want rest, if you really want sleep, God gives his beloved sleep.
God is the key to a good night's rest.
God is the key to a restful life.
The psalmist uses this beautiful word of endearment, beloved, to help us to understand that that he's talking to everybody in the family of God.
That means you can be single.
You can be divorced.
You can be an empty nester.
And you're not just a spectator in this message or in this series.
That you are a crucial part of what God is trying to communicate.
You are a part of a family.
It's not all about marriage licenses.
It's not just about a DNA test.
We are family.
And I've got all my sisters and brothers and aunts and uncles with me.
Who can say amen?
This is for all of us.
Psalm 68, 6.
Listen, God sets the solitary in families.
I need you to understand something.
When Adam and Eve sinned, the family was broken until Jesus comes back.
Now, once Jesus came the first time, there was hope for the family again.
We can be restored.
We can be renewed.
We can we can Start approximating what God had originally planned, but there's no perfection until we get to heaven.
However For those of you who who are not a part of a nuclear type family, God created something called the church And that is what this scripture is saying.
God sets the solitary in families.
Paul says to Timothy, I'm writing so you'll know how to live in the family of God.
That's Family is the church who can say amen.
And so I'm just needing everyone to understand that this entire series is for all of us.
Because whether it's a biological family, an adopted family, or the family of God, families are a gift to one another.
Families are a gift to one another.
And there's always one in the crowd, Pastor, you don't know my family.
You're right.
And and I just want to say I I'm sorry if things haven't worked out for you.
I'm saddened by the fact that that you grew up in a home that that wasn't a wonderful home?
Did you see the people when I said earlier, if you grew up in a great family and people were wanting to jump out of their seats Because it is a blessing, but God still has provided the church to fill in for those needs But the Bible also has some some scriptures to help you improve the atmosphere in your family right now.
Let me give you a couple of ideas to think about.
Number one, wives are a gift to their husbands.
Amen.
Listen, listen.
Whether you believe it or not, it's what the scripture says.
The Bible says in Proverbs 18, 22, he who finds a wife finds a good thing.
Your wife is good.
She's good-hearted, she's good looking, she's good-natured, she's good for you.
Whether you believe it or not, it's what the Bible says So whenever Robin doesn't behave the way she's supposed to, I quote this scripture.
But listen This isn't just written for men to their wives.
It's written for wives to their husbands also.
Look at the second part of this.
And obtains favor from the Lord.
A spouse is a gift.
And we need to acknowledge it as a gift.
We need to see our spouses. as gifts.
We need to appreciate them as gifts.
If we don't see our spouse as a gift, we will begin to take them for granted.
We will begin to be impatient for them.
If our perspective is wrong and we don't see things biblically, we will withdraw emotionally.
We'll give them leftovers instead of what's best.
But when you see them as a gift, when you recognize that that even though they're not perfect, they're still a blessing, you become more patient and kind and intentional and present.
Because they are gifts worth more than I can say.
Robin, come up here Because I I just sense some of you are thinking, you just don't know my spouse.
Some of you might be thinking, ah, this might work for you, Pastor Tom, but it's never gonna work for me.
Whether you're online or not, I I want you to look at something here.
So do you notice Robin's shirt?
It's blue and mine is white.
My pants are blue, hers are white.
Her shoes are blue, mine are white.
We are the exact opposite in what we're wearing.
That reflects our personalities.
Do you know how challenging it is to live with someone who's the exact opposite of you?
She wants to know why she doesn't have a mic.
Let's put it this way.
I got the best deal in this bargain, just so you know.
And the reason is, is because I have always thought I've had the greatest wife in the world.
It took her 20 years to figure it out because I was a big jerk.
I'm just being honest.
I was a strong-headed, stubborn, mean person at times, and I was a Christian.
Yeah, I was a Christian, but I thought I was always right.
Have you ever been married to someone like that?
That is hard.
But the scripture tells me that even that type of man, even that type of woman, is a gift from God.
Why?
Because they mold you.
They change you.
They can help transform your personality if you allow them and God to do what it is God wants done.
And then the second part of this is children are a gift from for to their parents.
Psalm 127, 3 says this, behold In other words, listen up.
Pay attention.
I've got something that's really going to rock your world.
Children are a heritage from the Lord.
The fruit of the womb is a reward.
I I this is hard to understand.
Children are a gift.
They're not an interruption in your life.
I've been listening.
There's all these. competing articles in newspapers and and news and media where where some of these primarily feminist women are saying how awesome it is not to have any children.
Some of them are actually bragging on how many abortions they've had.
And then on the opposite side, they're coming out with all of these articles that if you don't grow up in a two-person family, it can limit your growth potential.
And that the policies of the state literally affect how easy it is to raise children and how good it is on them.
I'm telling you, there's real-world statistics that show families are a gift from God, that even children are a gift from God.
They're not an inconvenience.
They're not accidents.
I know some kids have grown up thinking, yeah, my parents told me I was an accident.
Not in God's mind, you were not.
God had a purpose from your life from the very beginning.
And I know it's hard to realize this, but kids are valuable no matter what they do.
Sometimes it's hard to behold the gift when the gift just redecorated your walls like this.
I've had children do this in my house.
Sometimes they weren't even my kids.
They were my sister's kids.
And I'd be so upset.
But little do you know that when they're doing this, they might be auditioning to be a modern artist.
This painting just sold for a few thousand dollars just so you know.
That's not children's scribble.
That's It's supposed to be artwork anyway, just so you know.
Their behavior doesn't change their value.
Whether they're two or ten or forty, our job, our calling is to see these kids as treasures from the very hand of God.
We oftentimes treat kids based on how we feel about them.
When they're cute, oh, they are a gift. three three year old Kyle was trying to open up the childproof bottle of vitamins and he just couldn't do it.
And he said, Mom, I can't open it.
And she grabs it and she opens it in one twist.
And he says, Mom, how'd you do that?
And she said, well only mommies and and daddies can open these jars.
And the little boy innocently said, How does the bottle know that you're a mommy?
Isn't that cute?
It's so cute.
But when it's hard, they're not cute any longer.
It's a burden.
A gift.
A child doesn't stop being a gift just because it gets difficult.
Here's the last point in today's message.
Families are a gift to the world.
This is really what I've been trying to aim towards.
Since the very beginning of this message, Psalm 127, 4 says this: like arrows in the hand of a warrior, so are children of one's youth.
Hands of a warrior.
In other words, as a mom or a dad, even as a grandpa or a grandma, you have to take on a warrior mentality.
This world is a fight.
We're fighting for the hearts and souls of our children.
We're fighting for the hearts and souls of our grandchildren, but we're doing something spiritual warfare with darkness, with evil, with the evil one.
And we need to recognize that it's not easy.
Military metaphors are used throughout the Old and the New Testament to get our attention.
And this scripture is simply telling us that children do not raise themselves.
If you're one of those parents who wants their children to discover things on their own, the Bible has a word for you.
Fool.
Ouch, I know.
But let me translate that into the Hebrew Dummy Listen, listen, listen.
You don't want to let your kids find on their own where they're going because there's going to be a TikTok influencer telling them where to go.
There's going to be a entertainer telling them where to go.
There's going to be some college professor who doesn't believe in God who's going to be challenging them and shaping them and sharpening them.
We don't want that to take place.
So the scripture is telling us that we have to shape these arrows to fly straight, to understand the word, to know what is true and what is false.
The Bible tells us in Proverbs 22 6, train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old, he will not depart from it Train up a child according to the Bible, the B-I-B-L-E.
Those principles are good for them and they're good for us.
We're supposed to train up a child according to how they're gifted.
Do you recognize that your kids might not be anything like you?
I think this has been one of the greatest gifts to the more modern church.
Because when I was growing up, I thought I had to do exactly what my dad did.
My dad was a salesman, so I'm going to be a salesman But somewhere there in the 80s and 90s, things started changing, or we started recognizing giftedness And when we recognized giftedness, we realized that our discipline and the way we raise our children has to have some flexibility built into it.
Alright, and what I mean by that is you don't treat every child exactly the same because they're so uniquely different I had four kids.
One of them, if I looked at them, they would change their behavior.
One of them, I could take them out to the woodshed every day, and they would still choose the wrong thing every time.
So do you give up?
No, you maintain that consistency because when that one got out of the Marines at the age of I think it was twenty-three years of age.
He came home one day and he looked at his brothers and his sister and he said, Do whatever mom and dad say.
They were right.
You see, he was a child that had to learn the hard way.
But had I said, you know what, I'm giving up, would he have ever learned his lesson?
Had I quit trying, he might never have gone.
The way he was supposed to go.
But he saw consistency from dad in season and out.
And I never went overboard.
I wasn't harsh.
In his worst hour, I told him how much I loved him.
That's when I believe he began to realize How difficult it is to be a parent.
He now has three kids of his own, one that he just sent to college.
And he tells me quite often, yes, I got some just like me Yes, I got some just like me.
We're supposed to sharpen our kids to think clearly.
We It's hard nowadays.
I I'm just letting you know.
So being a mom or a dad might be a little bit more difficult than it used to be.
Our children obviously have To face a lot of things that even I didn't have to face growing up.
I get it.
But that means we have to work harder.
We have to take our responsibility more seriously than ever.
I remember when when my kids were all four, five, and six years of age.
We'd be watching some program on television and the commercial would start.
And it would be a car commercial.
And a car commercial would say that uh, you know, you deserve this, or this should be yours, or you need this.
And I'd look at my children and I'd say, guys, I need you to tell me what's the lie in the commercial.
And they'd look at me like, what are you talking about?
And over the course of years, I would teach them every commercial lies.
Because they don't care about you.
All they care about is money.
And so they're going to appeal to your greed.
They're going to appeal to your comparison.
They're going to appeal to your pride.
They're going to tell you that you're going Buying this car at seven hundred and ninety-nine dollars a month and you'll be happy until you make the first car payment.
And all the joy will disappear.
And let me tell you My kids, they are they are the smartest when it comes to finances.
I have never seen millennials, because all four of them are in the millennial age.
I have never seen millennials.
Who have saved money as wisely as they have.
And it's all because they were trained as little children how to confront the lies.
How many know the devil always lies?
He's the father of lies.
Finally, the job of a warrior is to shoot these arrows to make a difference.
Okay?
We are to shoot our children out of Did you know your job is to raise your children to leave?
It's not to make them dependent on you for the rest of your life.
Your job is to raise your children to leave, to get out of the house, to be self-sufficient.
That doesn't mean they're not a part of the family any longer, but you've given them enough time tools or they can do this thing called life without you mommying them or daddying them to death.
Something's wrong in our society today.
We either don't train or we hang on too long.
There's a happy medium here, Psalm one twenty-seven.
Let me get to this scripture.
I think I got it here.
Oh, I'm on 127.
5.
I lost it.
I'm sorry.
Happy is the man who has a quiver full of them.
I told Pastor Daniel I'm preaching today that everybody should have twelve children.
He almost lost it, just so you know.
All this scripture is saying is that children should be a blessing to their families, and they should be a blessing to the world.
Listen to this.
Oh, can you show me the second part of that verse, please?
Oh, there it is.
They shall not be ashamed.
In other words, we can produce kids that are comfortable.
Confident Christians.
The next part of this scripture, they shall speak with their enemies.
In other words, they're not afraid when the enemy comes against them, whether that's the devil or whether that's society. or culture or a college professor because they are well equipped to handle the debates and culture today.
Who can say amen?
And watch this In the gate.
In other words, Christians will not be pushed off to the sides of society.
We are supposed to be in the gates, in the places of authority.
Authority in the places of influence and our children will make a difference in this world.
Who can say amen?
I need you to stand with me, please.
Prayer partners, if you'd come forward.
We started today asking if family is a blessing or a burden.
And if I'm honest, they can feel like a burden when I do it in my own strength.
But when I put it in God's hands, everything changes.
Remember that first verse, unless the Lord builds the house, they labor in vain who build it.
So the secret to moving from burden to blessing isn't working harder.
It's changing contractors.
It's realizing that your spouse is God's favor to you.
She or he is not a work project to fix.
It's realizing that your children are God's heritage, not your legacy.
And it's realizing that the church family where no one has to to be a second-class citizen because we all have the same father.
Would you bow your heads with me, please?
Heavenly Father, we come to you in Jesus' name.
And Lord, it's always a challenge to preach nowadays.
And sometimes preaching on family is the hardest thing of all.
Because everyone's confused, everyone's hurting.
So many people are broken.
So many families are in the middle of dysfunction.
I've already broken apart.
Because of dysfunction.
But I'm praying here today that that you would do something in the hearts and minds of every person here today that you'd begin to bring about a renovation project inside of every individual.
And as those hearts and minds are being renovated, Father God, I pray that you would take the next step and begin renovating the family relationships.
I understand, Father God, that some people are are dead and gone.
I understand that divorce has has made things impossible to repair.
But Father God, even in the impossible, you can do miracles.
So I I'm praying for every single person.
I'm praying for every divorced person.
I'm praying for every um widow or widower, Father God.
I'm praying for every boy and girl and every mom and dad and every husband and wife.
I am praying, Father God, that you would do a miracle in our church and inside of us in such a powerful way that this church that that talks about being the Of the family church for the family of God will begin to live this out in a new dynamic in the mighty name of Jesus Christ.
I pray, Father God, that the attraction of what you are doing in our midst will be so strong that people from all over This community, all over the county, all over the Tri-County area, Father God, that they'll come to see what it is God is doing at Oxford Assembly of God Church.
I pray, Father God, that if there are marriages that can yet be saved, Father God, I pray that you would save them in this moment.
I pray that you would restore moms and dads to their sons and daughters.
I pray, Father God, that you'd you'd be able to cause forgiveness and reconciliation to take place in the middle of all of our hearts And I pray, Father God, that the prodigals will come home in Jesus' holy and precious name.
So Father God, this day we dedicate our families to you.
This day we give our very best effort to be your subcontractor.
And this day, Father God, we stand believing for miracles.
We pray this in Jesus' holy and precious name.
And together everybody says, if you need prayer about anything, please come forward at this time.
Blog Post
The Divine Blueprint for Family
From the very beginning, family has been God's idea. In Genesis chapters 1 and 2, we discover that God exists in perfect relationship as the Trinity—Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. Humanity was created in this image, designed to mirror God's relational nature. The first warning in Scripture—"it is not good for man to be alone"—wasn't just about companionship. It revealed a fundamental truth about human design: we are created for relationship, partnership, and collaboration.
When Sin Disrupted the Plan
Everything changed when sin entered the world in Genesis 3. The enemy's strategy was to separate, to get Eve to focus on herself rather than on God and her spouse. Trust shattered. Blame began. By Genesis 4, the first family experienced murder. The devastating speed of this decline shows that apart from God, families don't drift toward health—they drift toward dysfunction.
Yet God never abandoned His plan. In Genesis 12, He started over with Abraham and Sarah, declaring that through them, all families of the earth would be blessed. This reveals God's enduring goal: for families to be a blessing to the world.
The Key to Building Strong Families
Psalm 127:1 states clearly: "Unless the Lord builds the house, they labor in vain who build it." God is the general contractor of the family. His plans are found in the Bible, and our job is to follow those plans exactly—not just the ones we like or agree with, but all of them.
The same verse continues: "Unless the Lord guards the city, the watchman stays awake in vain." When families allow God to build them according to His design, entire communities become safer and more prosperous. There is a direct correlation between a society's regard for God's Word and the health of its cities and nations.
Rest Comes from the Right Foundation
The psalmist writes, "It is vain for you to rise up early, to sit up late, to eat the bread of sorrows, for so He gives His beloved sleep." Working harder without God leads to exhaustion. True rest—physically, emotionally, and spiritually—comes from building your family on God's foundation.
This message applies to everyone, not just those in traditional nuclear families. Singles, divorced individuals, empty nesters, and widows are all part of God's family. The church itself is a family where no one is a second-class citizen.
Seeing Your Spouse as a Gift
Proverbs 18:22 says, "He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord." A spouse is a gift from God, regardless of how different they may be from you. When you fail to see your spouse as a gift, you take them for granted, become impatient, and withdraw emotionally.
Even when spouses are opposites in personality, temperament, and approach to life, they complement and shape each other. The challenges of living with someone different can mold you, change you, and transform your character if you allow God to work through the relationship.
Children Are a Heritage from the Lord
Psalm 127:3 declares, "Children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb is a reward." Children are not interruptions, accidents, or inconveniences. They are treasures from the hand of God. Their value doesn't change based on their behavior or how cute they are at any given moment.
A child doesn't stop being a gift just because parenting gets difficult. The calling is to see children as valuable no matter what they do, whether they're two, ten, or forty years old.
Training Arrows to Fly Straight
Psalm 127:4 uses a military metaphor: "Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, so are the children of one's youth." Parents must adopt a warrior mentality, recognizing that raising children is spiritual warfare. The world is fighting for the hearts and souls of the next generation.
Children don't raise themselves. Proverbs 22:6 instructs, "Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it." This means training according to biblical principles and according to each child's unique giftedness. Not every child is the same, so discipline and parenting must have flexibility built in.
Sharpening Children to Think Clearly
Parents must teach children to recognize lies—from advertising, entertainment, social media, and culture. Every message competing for their attention must be filtered through biblical truth. Children need to be equipped to handle debates with a secular culture, to stand confidently as Christians, and to speak truth even when opposed.
The goal is not to raise dependent children but to raise children who leave—self-sufficient adults equipped with the tools to do life without constant parental intervention. When children are well-trained, they become blessings not only to their families but to the world.
Families as World-Changers
Psalm 127:5 promises that children raised God's way "shall not be ashamed, but shall speak with their enemies in the gate." This means Christians shouldn't be pushed to the sidelines of society. Instead, they should occupy places of authority and influence, making a difference in the world.
God's original design was for families to be the foundational building block of society. When families follow God's blueprint, they positively impact the communities, cities, and nations in which they live.
Moving from Burden to Blessing
Families can feel like a burden when tackled in human strength alone. But when placed in God's hands, everything changes. The secret isn't working harder—it's changing contractors. It's realizing that spouses are God's favor, children are God's heritage, and the church family is where everyone belongs.
God is still in the renovation business. Even when relationships seem broken beyond repair, He can do miracles. The invitation is to dedicate families to Him, to become His subcontractor, and to stand believing for transformation.
