After the Fairy Tale Fades, Part 1
Serkes: When The Fairy Tale Fades
Sermon: The Real Deal
🗣️ Speaker: Pastor Tom Van Kempen
Pastor Tom kicked off a new series called "After the Fairy Tale Fades," focusing on genuine love and relationships. He highlighted how people often spend more time preparing for a wedding rather than a marriage itself. Pastor Tom explained Romans Chapter 12, emphasizing that love should be sincere, without dissimulation or hypocrisy. He discussed the difference between various types of loves, such as Eros, Philia, and most importantly, Agape—the unconditional, godly love. This love, Pastor Tom explains, can only truly come from God. He encourages us to seek love through God first, as cultural notions often mislead us. Love honors others, requires diligence, and reflects God's love in how we treat people around us. The core takeaway is that real love, grounded in God's teachings, is the genuine love that can last a lifetime.
Additional Info
The info below was generated by an AI from the audio recording of the sermon.
Introduction to Love After the Fairy Tale Fades
In today’s world, we often find ourselves unprepared for the complex realities of relationships, particularly in marriage. While many couples invest countless hours planning their wedding, often exceeding the time spent preparing for their actual marriage, there is a significant deficit in relationship training. This imbalance highlights a crucial question: how can we better equip ourselves for lasting love?
Genuine Love as the Foundation
At the heart of all successful relationships is the concept of genuine love, which is fundamentally sourced from God. Understanding that love, especially the God-kind of love known as agape, should foster sincerity and authenticity is essential. Authentic love must be devoid of dissimulation or hypocrisy. It cannot wear a mask or disguise itself in any way.
Understanding the Source of Real Love
Real love does not originate within ourselves; it is rooted in our relationship with God. The sentiment that love can be cultivated from within is misleading. True agape love can only be understood and shared when we accept Jesus Christ as our Lord and Savior. Recognizing that God's love is unwavering and unconditional enables us to offer love genuinely to others.
The Debt of Love and Forgiveness
Every person has sinned and carries the burden of their own shortcomings. This understanding brings to light the necessity of forgiveness and humility in our relationships. Just as demonstrated in the parable of the debtors, our ability to love others correlates directly with our understanding of how much we’ve been forgiven. This recognition transforms our interactions and empowers us to love more deeply.
Overcoming the Myths of Love
To navigate the complexities of relationships, one must recognize and combat the counterfeit versions of love prevalent in our culture. Television, music, and societal narratives often misrepresent love, leading us to believe in fleeting feelings or shallow connections rather than enduring commitment and respect.
Genuine Love as an Extension of God’s Love
As we receive and comprehend God's unconditional love, we become conduits of that love to those around us. This involves cultivating affection, kindness, and respect in our relationships. The scripture teaches that love nurtures others like family, encouraging us to treat one another with dignity and honor.
Honor as a Core Component of Love
Honor underscores the essence of love in maintaining healthy relationships. By elevating others’ importance in our lives, we reaffirm respect and appreciation. This extends to acknowledging their contributions and valuing their presence in our lives, fostering stronger connections.
Diligence in Love
Love requires effort and intentionality. Laziness in relationships can lead to failures and disconnection. Committing to serve our partners and being proactive in nurturing those bonds is essential for marital success.
Conclusion: The Blueprint for Successful Relationships
In summary, God’s Word serves as the greatest guide for marriage and relationships. Regularly studying and abiding by its teachings, coupled with the practice of prayer, fortifies our bonds and promotes healing. Through diligent effort and divine guidance, hope can prevail for those striving to nurture their relationships and build a lasting foundation of love. Engaging with community and seeking support enhances our journey toward stronger connections.
Seek prayer and support when needed, for genuine love is not just a feeling—it’s a choice that demands constant effort.
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Use the questions listed below as a launching point to discuss the sermon points together as a family. These are great for dinner table discussions and small groups.
Small Group Discussion: Understanding Genuine Love
Icebreaker:
Share a story of a memorable wedding you've attended and what made it special.
Discussion Questions:
Pastor Tom mentioned "the cultural focus on weddings over marriages." How have you seen this in your life?
Romans 12 emphasizes that love should be sincere. What does "sincere love" mean to you?
Pastor Tom spoke about Agape love. How is it different from other types of love, and why is it significant?
Can you think of a time when culture influenced your understanding of love? How did that impact your relationships?
How do you practice honoring others in your relationships, and how can you improve?
Action Point:
Reflect on the sources where you derive your understanding of love and relationships. Share how you can start integrating God's perspective of love into your actions and interactions this week.
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Historical Context of Romans Chapter 12
Romans was written by the Apostle Paul around 57 A.D. to the Christian community in Rome, during a period of Roman Empire dominance. At this time, Christians were a minority religious group, living under a polytheistic society with significant Greek and Roman influences.
The culture was heavily influenced by philosophical ideas from Greek Stoicism, which valued wisdom, courage, justice, and temperance but often revolved around pride and self-sufficiency. In contrast, Paul's teachings, particularly in Romans Chapter 12, emphasized humility, community, and sincere love.
Paul uses the term "Agape"—a Greek word to describe unconditional love that was countercultural to Roman and Hellenistic ideals. His letter encourages believers to transform their lives by adopting values that reflect the teachings of Jesus Christ.
Rome, as the epicenter of the empire, was a bustling and diverse city, creating a need for early Christians to understand how to live out their faith in practical ways amidst numerous societal pressures. Romans 12 provides guidance on Christian ethics, urging believers to foster a community of genuine love, rather than conform to the societal norms of hypocrisy and superficial relationships prevalent at the time.
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Kids Lesson: The Real Deal on Love
Introduction
Hey kids! Today we're going to learn about a very special kind of love that comes straight from God. It’s called agape love. Have you ever heard that word before? (Wait for responses.) Agape love is the best kind of love because it’s pure and kind, and it helps us treat others the way God wants us to treat them. Just like how God loves us! Are you ready to discover more about this incredible love? Let’s dive into the Bible together!
Scripture
Romans 12:9: "Let love be genuine."
This verse teaches us that love should be real and come from our hearts, not just something we say or pretend to feel.
Craft: Heart of Love
Materials Needed:
Red construction paper
Scissors
Markers or crayons
Glue
Glitter (optional)
Instructions:
Cut out the shape of a large heart from the red construction paper.
On the heart, write the words "God loves me and I can love others!"
Use markers or crayons to decorate the heart. You can draw things that remind you of love, like flowers or happy faces.
If you like, sprinkle some glitter on your heart to make it sparkle!
Share your heart with someone and tell them what you love about them!
Game: Kindness Charades
How to Play:
Write down various acts of kindness on slips of paper (like giving a compliment, helping someone clean up, sharing a toy, etc.).
Have kids take turns drawing a slip of paper and acting out the act of kindness without using words. The other kids will guess what the act is!
After each round, talk about how practicing kindness shows love to others, just like God shows love to us.
Discussion Questions
What do you think genuine love looks like? Can you give me an example from your life?
How does God show His love for us?
Why is it important to love others sincerely and not just pretend?
How can we show love to our friends and family this week?
Have you ever felt God’s love in a special way? Share your story!
Wrap-Up with Prayer
Let’s join our hands and close our eyes!
"Dear God, thank you for loving us with your amazing agape love. Help us to love others in the same way. Teach us to be kind, sincere, and to always show your love through our actions. Thank you for everyone here today. In Jesus’ name, we pray. Amen."I hope you learned a lot today about love! Remember, God’s love is real and powerful, and it’s something we can share with everyone around us. Don’t forget to show your heart of love to others this week!
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I want to welcome you all here today. I want to welcome those of you who are online. We've got Chuck, and Johnny May is with us today. So it's great to have Johnny May watching online.
Those are some of the old timers who recognized her name. She was our pianist for 70 years. 70 years. That's a. Yeah, that deserves an applause right there.
That's an amazing thing. 100 people signed up for a health and wellness seminar, and the very first speaker was a dietician. And she talked about all the dangerous things in our food. She villainized red dye and msgs. She said artificial sweeteners would mess with your insulin levels.
She said, fruits and vegetables are filled with pesticides and our drinking waters are polluted. And then she said, but there's one other food that has caused more pain and more grief and more sorrow than any others. Does anyone know what it is? And one man raised his hand, and she said, yes, sir, what is it? And he said, wedding cake.
Today we're starting a new series called after the Fairy Tale Fades. Love last a lifetime. Now, before you start tuning me out, I need you to know that even if you're single, that there's stuff in this series for you. We're talking about communication. We're talking about dealing with conflict.
We're talking about all relational issues as they are found in the word of God, in the holy scriptures. I know some people have been divorced and they say, you know what, Pastor? I don't even wanna go to a marriage series because it reminds me of all the things that I've done. WR or no, no, no, no, no, no. This will be a series of healing.
Who can say amen? See, this isn't a series of condemnation. This isn't calling people out for doing things wrong. We are trying to create a blueprint for moving forward from this day, whether it's in your current marriage or whether it's in future relationships or whether it's even with the people here in the church. God has a plan where you can get along with other people.
My questions are very simple. Number one, how much relationship training have you had in your lifetime? How much marriage Training have you had? I was alarmed when I read this week that the Average couple spends 12 to 18 months and over 400 years preparing for a one hour wedding ceremony and less than five hours preparing for marriage. Did you hear that?
400 hours preparing for a one hour, maybe if you count the reception, two or three hours of their entire life and less than five hours preparing for the rest of their lives with another human being. My question is, where have you gotten your training from? Most people get it from their mom and dads, who got it from their mom and dads, who got it from their mom and dads. And those old, old, old, old, old, old moms and dads didn't know what they were doing.
I'm just letting you know there's a lot that's been learned over the last hundred or so years. Why don't people invest more preparing for marriage? And I can speak for myself. It's because I knew that I was in love. And I believed along with Captain and Tennille that that love will keep us together.
But how many know that Muskrat Susie and Muskrat Sam got a divorce 11 years ago? The Captain and Tenille, if they can't make it, who can make it? They sing all those romantic songs and everything and they couldn't even stand each other is what comes out later. So today I'm going to read from the most reliable book on marriage the world has ever seen. It's called the Bible.
That's where I'm gonna get my information. God's word contains the blueprint for all, say all, all successful relationships. And so the very first verse is gonna be from Romans chapter 12. So if you've got your Bibles, you can turn to Romans chapter 12. So we're gonna begin in verse nine.
And as we get started, I want you to take a look at these different translations of the very first sentence. Actually, it's just the two first words in the Greek language and these are the different ways that people translate it. But I want you to follow with me here, okay? Because I'm trying to teach a couple of different things. First of all, in the King James version, I'm talking about that, the old KJV.
How many have one with them right now? Okay, there's about 20 or 30 of you that have a KJV with you. And this is what it says, let love be without dissimulation. Now who can tell me what dissimulation means, huh?
Nobody knows what it means. Okay, do you know what it means? It means without A disguise. That's what it literally means. Dissimulation.
This phrase means without a disguise. So love should never wear a mask. Love should never be disguised in any way, shape or form. So the new King James translated it this way. Let love be without hypocrisy.
In other words, the idea here, remember this word love is agape. There are a number of different Greek words for love. One is eros. That's the erotic, physical kind of love. One is storge.
That has to do with family type love. There's Philadelphia. That has to do with brotherly kind of love. And agape is the God, say God. It's the God kind of love.
It's the perfect kind of love. It's the purest, most wholesome form of love. And this type of love should never be hypocritical, not just in words, but in actions. We should never do anything contrary to love when it comes to our spouses, our children, our parents, co workers, people in this room. And the Bible even says we should love our enemies.
The NIV says love must be sincere. So it's taking the positive approach rather than using the without, which is actually a part of the Greek language. They're just going straight to the positive and saying love must be sincere. Whereas the ESV says let love be genuine. I'm calling it today the Real Deal.
I bet that everybody wants the real deal when it comes to love. So that's what we're gonna look. Three quick points. Well, two quick points and one longer point. Okay, point number one is this genuine love comes from God.
Say God. This shouldn't be a surprise for Christians. This shouldn't be a surprise for most of the people in this room. That love comes from God. You've probably heard that before.
He is the source of love. Now, I was watching CNN a few years back when one of the correspondents was interviewing a love expert. And the correspondent asked the question, well, where do we find love? And the love expert said, well, first of all, you have to find the source of love deep down inside yourself. Listen, that was the worst advice I've ever heard in my entire life.
You cannot find love inside yourself unless God has already planted it there. There's no love inside any human heart. I'm talking about the divine love. I'm talking about agape love. Oh, there's attraction.
There's a little bit of Eros, There's a little bit of storge. There might be a little bit of Philadelphia, but very little amounts of it. And there is no agape unless you have accepted Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior, who can say Amen? It takes Jesus to teach us about love. God is the only source.
And what I've discovered is people are looking for love in all the wrong places. You might notice I go back to the 70s a lot. Sorry about that. I didn't sing it this time. Okay.
Cause for those of you who don't know, it's an old country western song by a guy with the last name of Lee. And he's saying, looking for love in all the wrong places. Looking for love in too many faces. And what's ironic about that is that's what people do. They look to their spouse and expect that person to love them.
Now, I'm not saying they shouldn't. I'm just saying that if you look first to your spouse, you'll be disappointed. If you look first to God, you will never be disappointed. If you look first to your children, they will let you down if you look first to your parents. And I know it's normal and natural to find love from mom and dad, because here's a rule you need to know.
Love always rolls down. Parents love their children more than children love their parents. God loves humanity more than humanity will ever love him. But because he first loved us, we are able, say able. We're able to love.
So here's some things we need to know. Number one, God is love. Real simple. Number two, God loves you. Say me.
God loves you. He thinks you're something special. John 3:16. Again, we love going to this scripture, not because it's famous, but because it's true. For God so loved the world, that means he loves absolutely everybody.
The greatest act of love was Jesus dying on the cross for all of us. That's what last week was all about. Good Friday was love in action. Low Saturday, as it's called, was love behind the scenes. And Easter Sunday was the power of the greatest love unleashed on death, hell, the grave.
In this world, who can say amen? That's what we celebrated last week. But God loves the whosoevers, too. Again, I went back to the original King James just because I like this word, whosoever. You know, in the new King James, it says whoever, but whosoever.
I mean, it's four syllables. And it feels to me like it includes everybody. All the who's. All the so's, all the evers. It's whosoever.
God literally loves every single human being. Listen. He loved the Pharisees who condemned him to die. He loved the Fickle crowds who yelled, crucify. He loved the soldiers who nailed him to the cross.
There were absolutely no disclaimers in his voice. There are no disclaimers in the word of God. There are no restrictions. No one is beyond the love of God. Whosoever means you, me, and every single person who ever has lived and every single person who ever will live.
So here's what I'm trying to communicate today. Your ability to love is tied to your revelation of God's love. I want you to hear this. Your ability to love is tied to your revelation of God's love. So first of all, all have sinned.
We talked about that last week, right? So since all have sinned, Jesus came so that all could be forgiven. So all have sinned and all need forgiveness. Everyone in this room probably agrees with that. What we don't understand is the third and final step of this.
And this can be communicated in a story that is found in Luke chapter seven. So follow with me. A Pharisee invites Jesus over to his house for kind of a dinner time. And so Jesus comes to the door, and the Pharisee lets him in. But culture and tradition tell us that the Pharisee had a cultural responsibility to anoint his guest's head with oil and to have at least a servant come in and wash the Jesus feet.
It did not take place. It's almost as if the Pharisee invited Jesus over, but he did not respect him in any way, shape, or form. So they're getting ready for dinner. And if you remember, I have explained this before, that people didn't sit at a table traditionally like we do today, they lounged at a table or, or they. They laid.
And what they would do is they would. They would lean their left arm on the table and there'd be pillows underneath their side and their legs and they would lay out or stretch out with their feet behind them. And then the servants would come and serve the food. Maybe in this Roman triclinium, or maybe the tables were a little bit bigger than that, okay? And so Jesus is laying there, waiting to be served some food, when the Bible says a sinner walks in the door.
And it's a woman. And she begins to cry as she goes next to Jesus feet. And her tears start to flood his feet. So she takes her hair and she starts to wipe all the dust and the dirt and the grime off of his feet, and she begins to kiss him.
She opens up an alabaster box of perfume, extremely expensive, and she begins to anoint Jesus feet. When at the same moment, the Pharisee starts judging Jesus. The Pharisee thinks in his head, if he was really a prophet, he would have known that it was a sinner who was doing this, and he wouldn't allow her to touch him. At that moment, Jesus confronts the Pharisee and says, what are you thinking there, buddy? He said, let me tell you a little story.
There's one man, and he has two debtors. And one debtor owes 5 billion. Another debtor owes $5. And so the man forgives both. Which of the two do you think will love the man more?
And the Pharisee jumps on it. He says, the one who's been forgiven the most. That's who's gonna love the most. And Jesus says, you hit the nail on the head. Now, let me share something with you about this particular woman.
This woman has been forgiven much. In other words, she owed Jesus $5 billion. She recognizes it, and she is showing much love. But the person who has shown little love, the Pharisee. Watch this.
Watch this. Shows how little forgiveness he deserved.
No, how little forgiveness he received. In other words, the moral of the story is Nobody owes God $5. We all owe 5 billion. We all owe 5 trillion. And our ability to love others will be handicapped if we think we're better than others.
Our ability to love will be handicapped if we expect unrealistic things out of people and we don't put our trust and our faith in God, who can say amen? The Pharisee thought he was better than the woman. When we think we're better than our spouse. When we think we're better than a new Christian. When we think we're better than a sinner.
I'm here to tell you the scripture says that we are all debtors when it comes to God. And we have to understand how great a debt we owed him. And that Jesus died on the cross for our forgiveness. Who can say Amen? And when that happens, it becomes much easier to love everybody.
And also it helps us to recognize all the counterfeit loves that are out there. There's a lot of cheapened versions of love in our culture today. We can look at the scripture here, back to verse nine. Let love be without hypocrisy. Abhor what is evil.
I believe all artificial, all shallow loves border on evil or are evil, okay? And I think we should cling to what is good, the agape kind of love. But here's the problem. Culture. Culture seeps into our souls as if by osmosis.
It sneaks in one cell at a time, slowly moving in through family traditions, through movies, through vain and hollow worldly philosophies, through the educational system, through music, through water cooler conversations, through debates, through all kinds of things. These ideas begin at a very young age, even occurring in our children's cartoons. We need to be careful what we let them watch because they're going to get the wrong idea when it comes to love. Remember two months ago, I taught on love during Valentine's week and this could be part two, because I used some of these last time. But these, I believe, are all new ones.
They asked children under the age of 10, how can people make love last forever? And Roger, a 7 year old, said, don't forget your wife's name. That will really mess things up.
So if you'd like my wife, my wife and I to go to lunch with you, just let me know. What's your name?
How do you make someone fall in love with you? They asked the same group of kids. Del said, tell them you own a candy store.
But wait a minute. What has he learned? He's learned that love is conditional, that it's based on what you have. It's based on something on the outside. At six years of age, he's already had this driven into him.
Alonzo, age 9. How do you make someone fall in love with you? Don't wear smelly green sneakers. You might get attention, but that's not the same thing as love. I would argue with that too.
Attention is one of the greatest ways that you can show somebody that you love them. Why does love even happen? Jan said, no one knows. Sure. How can that be?
That a little girl doesn't think anyone knows for sure. But I heard it has something to do with smell. That's why deodorant and perfume are so popular. Look at these ideas that are already in their minds. Why does love happen?
Harlan, age 9, says, well, you get shot with an arrow, but the rest isn't as painful.
Yet. If you listen to modern music, love is one of the most painful things any of us ever experience because we are disappointed again and again and again in the counterfeits. One of the counterfeits is Love American Style. Again, I go back to the early 70s. Love American style, that's me and you.
Anybody remember that you know greater than the red, white and blue it said in that song. These were some of the worst programs ever on tv. They taught you the wrong thing over and over again. They taught you the fairytale syndrome. This is the idea that once I find Mr.
Or Mrs. Right. We will ride off into the sunset and live happily ever after. That's not true. It's not how real life goes.
One lady said she found her Mr. Right. She just wished someone had told her his first name was always.
Some of you have married that person, haven't you? Love American Style is what I call Hallmark movie syndrome. And this is the idea that it's okay to go to bed on the first date. This is the idea that love at first sight is a real phenomena. This is the idea that all problems can be solved in two hours or less.
None of those things are true. Now don't get me wrong. I watch Hallmark movies because I like happy endings. But understand they are two hour movies. They are not real life.
Some people believe in love emotional style. This is the idea that love is based on how you feel. So that if you no longer feel it, that means you're no longer in love. In other words, I feel happy, so I'm in love. I'm head over heels dizzy in love.
I feel like he or she is the one. Every time I see that person, I feel butterflies in my stomach and my palms begin to sweat. This is not love. Love. This is called attraction.
Or if I get down to it, you could call it lust. Because if it goes over the line, that's what it becomes. If you marry someone because of how they look, or their style, or the car they drive, or how successful they are, what happens when those things are no longer true? Do you fall out of love with them? If you marry someone because of their looks, what happens if they gain weight?
If they get old? And we all say all, we all get old. I remember hearing this. This was like 20 years ago. Oprah Winfrey was about £250 at the time.
She was talking about how she was struggling with her weight and she put a picture of Halle Berry up on the screen. And she said, I know everyone wants Halle Berry, but everyone ends up like me. Think about it. Everyone gets old. One actress actually said this one actress who felt the pain of getting older.
She said an archaeologist would be the ideal husband. Because the older you get, the more interesting you become.
Number three, Love Selfish style. You know what Love Selfish Style says? That relationships are to make me happy, that relationships are to fulfill my needs. This is actually why most people get married to begin with. There's something missing in them that they oftentimes see in another person, at least temporarily.
And so they get their self esteem, they get sex, they get security, they get something that they want, something that they need. From this other person. But one Christian author said marriage is not about happiness, it's about holiness. And he talks about the problem with self selfishness in relationships. There's a description of marriage and this is how it goes.
Marriage is like a tick on a dog. And the tick is trying to suck the life out of the dog until it realizes it's not really a dog, it's just another tick, one tick sucking the life out of another tick. And that's what you have in marriage if God is not at the center. If you don't understand God's love and how it works. And so the next couple verses here are gonna help us understand that genuine love reflects God's love towards other human beings.
So when you receive, understand, operate in God's love, you now become a channel whereby God's love a conduit by which you can channel God's love to those around you. So number one, I want you to see here. Be kindly affectionate to one another with brotherly love. Love nurtures others like family. Now, if you've had a bad family experience, I don't want you to be thinking about that.
I want you to think of the most ideal family situation you can think of. This is what church is supposed to be like. We are supposed to be brothers and sisters, moms and dads, grandpas and grandpas, sons and daughters with each other, both in a spiritual sense and even in an emotional and psychological sense. We're supposed to nurture each other like family. We didn't sing that first song by accident.
Today, we a family. We did it on purpose because we wanted you thinking about that idea, that concept. It says, be kindly affectionate to one another with brotherly love. Affection affects first and foremost our attitudes. If you really have affection for another human being, you'll have an attitude of courtesy.
Positive interactions, no matter how you feel, feelings are, are irrelevant here. You need to understand that our souls are being corroded by living in an atmosphere of unrelenting negativity. There is constant bad news, continuous contention, and we need courtesy because it's like a breath of fresh air in the middle of all the pollution. Courtesy transforms cloudy days to sunny days. Courtesy can transform moments of frustration into opportunities for grace.
Simple words like excuse me, after you, thank you. Simple gestures like opening a door, allowing someone ahead of you in the checkout line, stopping to say hello, or even smiling at someone can make all the difference in the world. Acts of kindness. The scripture goes on here in verse 13. Distributing to the needs of the saints given to Hospitality.
We are all needy people, but God has made us where we actually receive when we give. Acts of kindness release endorphins. They literally improve the immune system. They minimize the effects of disease. They reverse negative emotions like depression and anger.
In this verse, I see two different things. I see practical care and I see hospitable care. I see what is actually needed and then going above and beyond to what people prefer or even like. I have a confession. I have ugly feet.
Oh, my wife just amened.
But there's a reason I've played sports my whole life. And so my nails are crooked. Sometimes they're bruised. I had a piece of wood go into one toe, which stopped the growth of my big toe toenail, where one side grows, like at one rate and the other one grows like this. So it's like a knife is coming out of one of my toes.
I've got a artificial joint in one of my feet and it made my big toe shrink. And then my third and fourth toes are sinking, split like this. I don't even look like I'm a human being. I mean, I was walking at the beach one time and somebody said, I think I see a dinosaur's footprint right here.
And yet I will come home from basketball and I'll take a shower and my feet will be just dry, ugly looking. And my wife will come up and say, would you like some lotion for your feet? Oh, she knows just what I need. After basketball, I can't even bend over to touch my feet. And she's going down there and she's rubbing them.
She's like the woman in the parable. She starts kissing my toes. I'm kidding. She doesn't do that. All right?
Now there is a limit where she won't cross this line. I'm not Jesus, of course, you know, but you know what? She does more than that. For some reason, my wife doesn't ever take me for granted. I mean, we've been married for almost 40 years, and there are times when I feel like I'm a guest in my own house because she will have gone to the store and bought me something special.
She will buy me my favorite candy bar, Reese's Peanut Butter Cups. She will make me a butterscotch malt. Nobody makes butterscotch malts anywhere, okay? But she will go, she'll get the malt solution, the butterscotch, my favorite ice cream. She'll mix them together and she'll just come in as I'm watching television and go, would you like a butterscotch malt?
And I'm just like, wow, this woman loves me. This is what I'm talking about. Acts of kindness that go above and beyond words of encouragement. Look at this. Bless those who persecute you.
Unfortunately, this is oftentimes our spouse. Right, but listen, bless and do not curse. This is the Greek word eulogio. It's where we get the idea of a eulogy. We need to start saying positive things to people before they're dead.
Who can say amen? Don't wait until they're dead and get up here and the casket's down there. I wish I would have told Uncle Joey how much he meant to me. You can do it now. Be positive.
Speak up. Romans 12:14 says, we should bless and not curse. You need to understand that the Bible says life and death are in the power of the tongue. If you say negative words to little children or really anyone before they're 21, you're destroying their life. I just want you to know you can correct without condemnation.
You can correct without being negative. You can correct in a way where they actually listen to what you say. And you can build them up so that they are the productive Christian adults that God wants them to be. Who can say amen? Number two, love honors.
Romans, chapter 12, verse 10B says in honor, giving preference to one another. Honor is at the heart of all healthy relationships. Listen, this is an extension of love, but it is the part of love that convinces me that you really know who God is. You can say you love somebody, but if you don't honor them, I doubt your commitment to that human being. Honor is one of the key characteristics that I really love another human being.
Honor gives others priority status in our lives. They actually are more important in this relationship than I am in this relationship. When it comes to Robin and I, she's more important than me. That's why I do what I do. That's the way why I talk, the way I talk.
That's why I live the way I live. I want to build her up and I want her to know how much I love her. In Jesus name and the Old Testament, honor was a Hebrew word, kabad, and it was associated with the idea of glory. And it was always in reference to either God or a king. And so the idea is if we really honor somebody, then we treat them like royalty.
We treat them like a king, we treat them like a queen. We treat our children like a prince and a princess. We treat each other the same way. We are kings and priests to God who can say amen. That's who we are.
We should be respected that way. The word has the idea of weightiness. So we're talking about someone who deserves our reverence and respect because they are heavyweights and in the Greek language, they are valuable. So they are of the highest value. Honoring love recognizes that sometimes the hidden value of the other person is even greater than we recognize that they are more precious than gold.
We should value their opinion. We should value the time we spend with them. We should value their personhood. And the longer we get to know somebody, the more we should value someone. Robin and I were at Lake Sumter Landing a couple weeks ago, and they were having the Corvette car show out there.
Anybody see the Corvette car show? We were there. We were walking around. And you should have seen the men. You know that lady who was kissing Jesus feet?
Yeah. That's what they were doing to their cars. Oh, they would take these special cloths and there would be. I didn't even see the dirt, but they'd see it and they'd just wipe it. They would pat their car like it was a living entity of some kind.
And then they'd look at their wives and go, go get me a beer.
I was convinced they love their cars more than they love their wives. I heard this once, when a man opens the car for a lady, you know, one of two things. Either the car is new or the lady is new shouldn't be. Honor gives others preferred status in our lives.
I love going to the airport because I always feel like I'm the lowest of the low. If I get on Delta or American, you know, I always paid for the cheapest amount. And so they begin by saying, would all of you. If first class passengers and our preferred status people come to the podium first, and all of these people walk like this.
And then they go the gold group and the platinum group and the silver group and the bronze group. And then finally they go, and, pastor Tom, you can get on the plane, too.
That's how I feel. Okay. I'm absolutely a nobody. But when you honor somebody, you prefer them. You respect them above yourselves.
You want to be in their presence as often as possible because you see them as precious in your sight. Here's the last thing. Love works diligently. I hate to disappoint all you romantics out there who believe that love is easy, but it's not. This is another myth, another lie, another fallacy that if I love somebody, it'll just work out.
No, love's a choice. You make a decision, and like Jesus, you will do anything, say anything to make it work. You will fight over and over and over and over again to make it work, not lagging in diligence. So here are five closing ideas as we get ready to leave today. Number one, no room for laziness in relationships.
You can't be lazy. You can't ever let your guard down. This is 24 hours a day, seven days a week. Dr. Scott Peck wrote a book called the Road Less Traveled.
Listen to what he said. Laziness is a contributing cause of evil. It's a primary cause of psychological illness. And it is the main reason that Americans are increasingly failing at human relationships. The scripture goes on, fervent in spirits, serving the Lord.
In other words, we serve God by serving others. If you're married, your spouse is your number one ministry. Did you hear me? That's why Paul says in chapter seven of first Corinthians, you know, it might be better not to get married, because if you're not married, you. You have the freedom to serve God anywhere you want.
But once you're married, you have chosen your number one ministry, and that is either your husband or your spouse. And if you are neglectful there, you're failing. Thank the Lord for forgiveness. Who can say amen? Cause I failed a lot.
Number three. Hope springs eternal for you, but not necessarily for the relationship. What? Yeah, relationships end. That's the brutal reality.
I would bet that there are a number of people even in this room, who've experienced divorce. Maybe more than one. It is not the unpardonable sin. Just so you know, the church has been unfair to divorce people for decades. I'm here to tell you that hope, rejoicing in hope, springs eternal for you.
I don't care how bad you have failed in the past. Hope springs eternal. However, sometimes relationships come to an end. And when they do, forgiveness still needs to be extended. But trust does not need to be extended.
Are you listening to me? There are marital circumstances where it is your responsibility to forgive that person, but you never have to trust them again. And that is biblical in Jesus name. Number four. Patience can get you through hard times.
And remember, everyone has hard times. Everyone has hard times. Finally, God's Word is the greatest marriage manual ever written. We should study it. We should memorize it.
We should learn it. We should read it again and again and again. But you still need more. You also need God's power, and that is connected to you through prayer. So pray.
And when you think you're done, pray some more. Who can say amen? We need to pray. We need to pray for our spouses, for our children, for our parents. We need to pray for one another in this room.
We need to get on the prayer chain. And when those prayer requests come in, we need to stop what we're doing and pray. We need to come forward when the prayer partners are coming forward. Prayer partners, come on forward. Perfect time.
And if you have a legitimate need, something that you would like someone to PR pray with you about, this is where it gets done. Let someone pray with you. If marriages are not going the way you want, confess your faults one to another and you will be healed. The scripture says the miracle will take place. There are far more opportunities available in Christ.
Sure, we human beings fail once in a while, but God has a plan of reconciliation and restoration that he desires for everybody. If both the husband and the wife are willing to go through the process, both have to be willing to go through the process.
